Dear Sapi, it's been a year

Hey, apa kabarmu jauh disana?

Jadi sebenernya dari kemaren juga udah inget kalo sekitar tanggal ini kamu pergi, turns out it is today. Ga kerasa banget udah setaun Sap... I'm not actually sure mau nulis apa disini sih..

Is this normal? It's been a year and I still miss you everyday, not like every moment but at random times I do. I think I've never lost anyone this close before, that's why... I guess, I'm still sad when I realize that you're not around anymore. I still have this huge lump in my throat whenever I think of you. I wish we spent more times together, why didn't we?

Oh well...

Btw, I'm sure you know it already, but I just have to brag about it too to you. I was so proud when I saw the AJ+ video covering XXLab. I remember the last time I went to Jogja (when I still worked in Bandung), we met up and Mba Ratna was in Paris for an exhibition about this. Now this is getting bigger and I'm sure you must be really proud about it if you were here.

Forget about proud, I'm sure you must be bragging about it, heh. I can even see your brain gearing up, looking for more stuff to create and more people to meet.

Also, there's another video I think you'll love. CL is endorsing Adidas. See! Two things you love in one video. Wait, no... let's make it three: CL, Adidas, and Chooooobieeeees~~ alright so if you were still here I'm sure as hell we'll gush about the choobies in the last scene because we're shallow like that. Hah!

Gagal, kali ini gagal bersembunyi

Di balik kata-kata bijak

yang selalu mampu membuat aku terlihat tangguh

And now I'm in this confused-but-not-really state. Like I know what I wanna do but I'm not sure if I should do it, if I should jump for the hell of it and regret later. Or stay in the safe lane and still, regret it later? I think I know the answer already, I should jump even though it will sound and seem crazy.

I wish you were here so I can share you my stories and confusion, and I know you'll answer me with that smug face like you know all the answer in the world (which you don't but still smug and cockiness comes first lol).

What do you think I should do now, Sap? I often imagine we sitting in your room trying to figure things out because I'm so much of a wishy-washy person and you're the strong-headed one. I think that's why we matched, because we're such opposite, and the fact that we're able to respect each other is really pretty cool and neat.

I think what I need right now is your words to convince me that I should be crazy and just do it. How do I tell myself this, Sap?

This post is everywhere, right? I don't think I'm on my right mind to write, but I want to... and there's so many things I want to talk about that it all becomes this huge jumble of mess. I just need to let it all out, I guess.

I think I want to cry, just for the hell of it. Maybe because I'm confused, maybe because I miss you, maybe because I just want to.

Ini gara-gara akunya lagi mellow dan galau, jadi postingannya sendu begini uuuh... kesyel...

Kau tau aku merelakanmu,

Aku cuma rindu

p.s. Not sure why I chose this song. The song was originally supposed to be dedicated for an ex (in which, you're not lol). but the lyrics hit me hard when I heard it this morning.