I want to be loved, too...



The title is kinda.. uh.. you know? Hehe...

But I was feeling mellow earlier this morning. Not sure why, okay, actually I know why but I don't want to share it here lol. It just feel like college all over again, and I'm being a possessive bitch that doesn't want to share, and I'm afraid of losing.

But then again, you can't lose what you never had.

And it annoys me sooooo muuuuuuchhhhh!!

I'm like, I want to fall in love agaiiiin, I want to be loved, too! I want to get married, build a family, have kids, and stuff too! Everyone else is doing it so why can't I do it too?

And like the anchor I held to all this while (unconsciously), seems to be slipping lately and I've just realized it because while I held on to it I didn't realize I did until it's almost gone like right now and I'm like... uggghhh... didn't I tell you not to take things for granted? So why is this happening again?

The more I think about it, the more annoyed I am.

I don't even know why I'm annoyed. Wait, no... I know why I'm annoyed, I'm actually annoyed at the fact that I'm annoyed about this because I shouldn't be annoyed.

Lol what was I even talking about.



I kind of want to shout and kick Lang Leav because oh... how true it is... F*** you Lang Leav! For shouting my heart out loud to the world in a sentence. F you for putting it in the pages I can read over and over again. F you for saying what I cannot. Huge F you for speaking out loud what I'm in denial about. F you because thank you! Oh my oh my... Thank you Lang Leav so what I have to do now is only putting this image here instead of write it myself. Because my heart still denies it, because my heart can't deal with this fact, because I can't say this myself.

Why am I having my heart broken all over again for nothing?

I don't think it's a heartbreak (yet), but yeah, something close to it...

Why am I repeating history?

So I want to settle down, too. Because I want to see someone willing enough to spend his life with me. Because I want to feel loved, because I want to know if it's possible..


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Dear Sapi, kemaren aku beli sepatu

Image
Tapi salah ukuran... m(_ _")m Jadi untuk piknik ulangtaun besok ke Bangkok, dan piknik di bulan Mei ke Jepang, aku cari sepatu... dan aku sudah memutuskan untuk beli Adidas Superstar Slip-on yang menurut review enak banget dipake. Belinya di berrybenka, yang pas aku buka pas banget lagi ada diskon 20% all item. Dan aku pun pilih size 5 akan 235mm yang mana biasanya size aku emang itu kan.. Besoknya, aku ke amplas, trus iseng mampir ke counter adidas, ternyata disitu juga ada... tapi size 4, begitu aku cobain.. pas banget! Kyaaak... aku pun memutuskan untuk yaah.. yaudah deh besok pas dateng si size 5 aku retur aja sama size 4. Ternyata, pas si size 5 dateng, as expected dia kegedean... bad news is... yang size 4 ga adaaa T^T why... jd aku memutuskan buat tuker sama yang size 4.5... ga beda-beda jauh, harusnya muat lah yah... Nunggu seminggu lagi sampe si 4.5 ini dateng... ternyata pas dicobain tetep kegedean T^T... aslinya sih mungkin kalau aku ga tau betapa pa
Read more

Dear Sapi, it's been a year

Image
Hey, apa kabarmu jauh disana? Jadi sebenernya dari kemaren juga udah inget kalo sekitar tanggal ini kamu pergi, turns out it is today. Ga kerasa banget udah setaun Sap... I'm not actually sure mau nulis apa disini sih.. Is this normal? It's been a year and I still miss you everyday, not like every moment but at random times I do. I think I've never lost anyone this close before, that's why... I guess, I'm still sad when I realize that you're not around anymore. I still have this huge lump in my throat whenever I think of you. I wish we spent more times together, why didn't we? Oh well... Btw, I'm sure you know it already, but I just have to brag about it too to you. I was so proud when I saw the AJ+ video covering XXLab. I remember the last time I went to Jogja (when I still worked in Bandung), we met up and Mba Ratna was in Paris for an exhibition about this. Now this is getting bigger and I'm sure you must be really proud about
Read more