:(

when he was around, I kinda don’t need this blog. Whenever I have story to share, I’ll come to him first, I love his reaction, always so excited to anything I tell him. Whenever I create something new, he was the first one I will show it to, before then showing it off to the world.

Now that he’s gone, I’m kinda lost.

he was always there, at the corner, watching me, and maybe now, he still does, who knows? But now he’s invisible, i can not find him, can not see him, can not talk to him and a huge part of me is missing, along with him.

Not that I blame him for this feeling I am feeling right now, my bad, I shouldn’t have put on the expectations too high, I’ve learnt that to gain more is to expect less. I crossed the line, I stepped over the limit, and so here I am now, kinda heartbroken and lost.

I don’t blame him for this, again, I have to tell you, world.

I don’t understand why he disappears, but I believe he has a good reason for this. Still, remembering the days and nights that spent never without one another, this is kinda hard. He’s something I’ve gotten used to be a part of my days, we doesn’t necessarily need to talk, knowing that he’s there is enough. I mean, he could be just doing anything, and I could be falling asleep during the talk but it was never a problem, because I know when I woke up, when he's done with what he's doing we'll have a nice conversation again, but not now, not anymore.

I lost someone so dear, I don’t even want to think about what feeling do I feel about him. I don’t even want to specify is he a friend or more for me, I just don’t need to add the confusion, right?

But if I am to confess, then he is someone important, really important. Someone so dear I can imagine having a secret adventure with.

All those long talks we had, all those are so memorable, and full of lessons. I was about to tell him that I’ve figured why his ex still can’t let him go, because he’s so dear, so lovable. So lovable that I might fall for him any second if he lets me, maybe I won’t even need his permission, maybe I already did. But what’s the use knowing it now? He’s gone anyway.

I want him to come back, of course. And then explain to me where did he go, and why, and say that he won’t ever do that anymore. But maybe, that’s a wishful thinking, or and endless dreaming.

I lalala you. You know that, right?