Belajar Tiara

I've been sitting on the edge since... forever... (well okay not really, since the beginning of this year, I guess... so it's been almost 5 months...) I wanna jump, I've been wanting to jump since that 4  months ago. But something's holding me back, I mean... well of course, because jumping is scary so I was like.. should I or shouldn't I? But I've been wanting to do this, but I'm scared, but I know I will do it anyway or else I will regret it for the rest of my life. You know by jumping I mean starting off my own business, right? Heh~ It always seems scary because of the questions and uncertainties. Also because if I actually jump, I don't really have anything else to hold on to. I noticed that most of the illustrator that does illustrate from home are at the same time either moms or at least married. That means they have their husbands to help with the financial should things don't work, well... or so it seems. From my point of vie...

The title is kinda.. uh.. you know? Hehe... But I was feeling mellow earlier this morning. Not sure why, okay, actually I know why but I don't want to share it here lol. It just feel like college all over again, and I'm being a possessive bitch that doesn't want to share, and I'm afraid of losing. But then again, you can't lose what you never had. And it annoys me sooooo muuuuuuchhhhh!! I'm like, I want to fall in love agaiiiin, I want to be loved, too! I want to get married, build a family, have kids, and stuff too! Everyone else is doing it so why can't I do it too? And like the anchor I held to all this while (unconsciously), seems to be slipping lately and I've just realized it because while I held on to it I didn't realize I did until it's almost gone like right now and I'm like... uggghhh... didn't I tell you not to take things for granted? So why is this happening again? The more I think about it, the more annoyed I...

Hey, apa kabarmu jauh disana? Jadi sebenernya dari kemaren juga udah inget kalo sekitar tanggal ini kamu pergi, turns out it is today. Ga kerasa banget udah setaun Sap... I'm not actually sure mau nulis apa disini sih.. Is this normal? It's been a year and I still miss you everyday, not like every moment but at random times I do. I think I've never lost anyone this close before, that's why... I guess, I'm still sad when I realize that you're not around anymore. I still have this huge lump in my throat whenever I think of you. I wish we spent more times together, why didn't we? Oh well... Btw, I'm sure you know it already, but I just have to brag about it too to you. I was so proud when I saw the AJ+ video covering XXLab. I remember the last time I went to Jogja (when I still worked in Bandung), we met up and Mba Ratna was in Paris for an exhibition about this. Now this is getting bigger and I'm sure you must be really proud about...

Jadi kali ini bukan postingan "Dear Sapi" ya.. hehe.. ya walaupun aslinya bisa juga sih dicurhatin ke Sapi.. tapi kali ini lebih general dan lebih... personal sih... Jadi akhir-akhir ini aku merasa sudah waktunya loncat ke next stage in life. Bukan nikah juga sih, karena yang itu aku ga bisa atur, tapi kayaknya pengen lebih banyak create something aka build my own business. Ini ya, sebenernya udah entah dari kapan taun... trus kayak pagi ini aku nyadar kalo bentar lagi udah ulangtaun ke-28, yang berarti bentar lagi udah 30 taun, AAAAAK! Masa masih gini gini aja kehidupan iniii... Jangan lah yah.. Dan sebenernya udah ada modalnya, udah ga usah mulai dari awal banget. Let's see... I'm surrounded by people yang bisa bantuin aku banget sebenernya. Nggambar, bisa lah aku lakukan sendiri, kalo bingung bisa minta petunjuk dari Omican atau Alji atau google (lol), instagram, pinterest, dan pixiv, the possibility untuk dapetin ilmu baru sih sesung...

Tapi salah ukuran... m(_ _")m Jadi untuk piknik ulangtaun besok ke Bangkok, dan piknik di bulan Mei ke Jepang, aku cari sepatu... dan aku sudah memutuskan untuk beli Adidas Superstar Slip-on yang menurut review enak banget dipake. Belinya di berrybenka, yang pas aku buka pas banget lagi ada diskon 20% all item. Dan aku pun pilih size 5 akan 235mm yang mana biasanya size aku emang itu kan.. Besoknya, aku ke amplas, trus iseng mampir ke counter adidas, ternyata disitu juga ada... tapi size 4, begitu aku cobain.. pas banget! Kyaaak... aku pun memutuskan untuk yaah.. yaudah deh besok pas dateng si size 5 aku retur aja sama size 4. Ternyata, pas si size 5 dateng, as expected dia kegedean... bad news is... yang size 4 ga adaaa T^T why... jd aku memutuskan buat tuker sama yang size 4.5... ga beda-beda jauh, harusnya muat lah yah... Nunggu seminggu lagi sampe si 4.5 ini dateng... ternyata pas dicobain tetep kegedean T^T... aslinya sih mungkin kalau aku ga tau betapa pa...

This post is long overdue, I know... but everytime I think of writing this, I'm afraid I'd cry... But then again, what's wrong with crying, eh? Anyway, Dear Sapi, I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry that we didn't get to play a lot anymore after you fell ill. I remember planned with Shinta to visit you sometime soon because we saw that you were looking healthier (you updated your path after a looooong time), but it never actually happened. When we did, you were already unconscious I wasn't sure you knew we were there, but maybe oh maybe, you did? I remember crying when I met Mba Ratna and the first thing she said to me was you were looking for me lately because her sister is going to Seoul and you told her to ask me about Seoul. I'm so sorry I didn't know this, I'm so sorry we didn't hang out as often as we did when you were all healthy, I feel like such a bad friend. I am so sorry... As I'm writing this, I feel like...

Lol, judul macam apa ini... Tapi beneran deh Sap, aku baru nyadar kemaren, jadi ada mas2 produser korea gitu, namanya Dean. Nanet yang suka banget sama si mas ini, I know nothing about him, tapi you know lah yah Nanet... aku jadi notice si mas ini dan tiba-tiba kemaren menyadari sesuatu... Kok mirip Sapi??? Apanya yang mirip aku juga ga ngerti, tapi bentuk2annya mirip, padahal perasaan kan kamu ga ganteng yah? LOL *dibalang sepatu* ekekekek...  Anyway, masnya ini... mmm... sebenernya aku ga begitu tau.. bentar aku googling dulu.. tapi seingetku dia producer, dan mmm.. stylenya mirip-mirip juga ya sama kamu? I think you'll love hanging out with him (yaiyalah artis lolololol...) I mean it seems you guys can talk about music and fashion and creative stuff like that gitu lah.. nampaknya akan nyambung... dan mukanya mirip juga #tetep Menurut wikipedia sih doi producer, singer-songwriter *abis googling*. Sebenernya sih ini postingan ga penting banget, ya cuman mau ...